Archive for the 'Jokes' Category

November 25, 2005

Poker Joke of the Week #2

by @ 6:45 pm. Filed under Jokes, Poker

Six guys were playing poker when Smith loses $500 on a single hand, clutches his chest and drops dead at the table.

Showing respect for their fallen comrade, the other five complete their playing time standing up.

Roberts looks around and asks, “Now, who is going to tell the wife?”

They draw straws.

Rippington, who is always a loser, picks the short one.

They tell him to be discreet, be gentle, don’t make a bad situation any worse than it is.

“Gentlemen! Discreet? I’m the most discreet man you will ever meet. Discretion is my middle name, leave it to me.”

Rippington walks over to the Smith house, knocks on the door, the wife answers, asks what he wants.

Rippington says, “Your husband just lost $500 playing cards.”

She hollers, “TELL HIM TO DROP DEAD!”

Rippington says, “I’ll tell him.”

November 18, 2005

Poker Joke of the Week

by @ 9:16 pm. Filed under Jokes, Poker

It’s Friday and to get you in the mood for the weekend I thought I’d share a poker joke with you, content permitting I’ll put one up about this time every week.

This one has done the rounds but is still good for a laugh. If you’re the original author (and can prove it) let me know and I’ll make sure you get the credit.

You Know You Play Too Much Poker When…

1. You start classifying people on your life as “weak-tight” or “loose-passive,” even when they’ve never set foot in a poker room.

2. You use the phrase “bad beat” when lending a sympathetic ear to a friend.

3. The guy on TV didn’t win the lottery, he had the “nut ticket”.

4. It’s been more than 24 hours since the first time you told yourself “Just one more round and then I’ll get some sleep.”

5. Your two ATM cards and five credit cards have all reached their maximum cash advance for the day.

6. You figure if your family leaves you that will give you more time and money and you can move up to a bigger limit.

7. You have 12 games on your computer, solitaire, minesweeper, and 10 poker games.

8. Your kids are named Check and Raise.

9. Your bathroom library consists of Card Player and Poker Digest.

10. The only reason you go to your in-law’s for christmas is for the 5c piece game after dinner.

11. Or because they live closer to the casino.

12. You are having such a bad day at hold ‘em that you decide to take a break… and play Omaha.

13. Your sweetie gets a certain look in her eye and you think it means that she wants to go to the cardroom.

14. You have nightmares about your cards changing during the hand.

15. You have a poker chip in your pocket right now.

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