“People never lie so much as after a hunt, during a war or before an election.”
- Otto Von Bismarck

Sometimes I get more of a kick out of reading the chatter of some of my on-line opponents than from actually playing cards with them. See if you can spot the mistakes made by the runner up when defending his taking part in the following, crazy, hand:

Preflop:

UTG folds, Our Lier calls, UTG+2 calls, MP1 calls, 1 fold, MP3 raises, 3 folds, BB calls, Our Lier calls, UTG+2 calls, MP1 calls.

Flop:

BB bets, Our Lier raises, UTG+2 folds, MP1 folds, MP3 calls, BB 3-bets, Our Lier caps, MP3 calls, BB calls.

Turn:

BB bets, Our Lier raises, MP3 folds, BB 3-bets, Our Lier caps, BB calls.

River:

BB bets, Our Lier calls.

BB turns over:

Trip 10’s - good enough to win a pot worth over 20 BB. “Our Lier” sheepishly mucks with the following chat:

Our Lier: nh
BB: thx
Our Lier: trip 5s
BB: no ****
Our Lier: yep

I can think of at least reasons why claiming trip 5’s in this spot is a bad idea if you expect the on-line table to believe you. First, trip 5’s would actually have won this hand with a full house and second Poker Stars allows any player who played in the hand to check the hand history for cards mucked at showdown. Our lier’s true holding? 4s 5h.

Ok, I can’t resist:

Playing 45o in a 1/2 limit hold’em game from early position against a raise. $2.
Jamming the pot on the flop and turn with a sub-par hand. $16.
Claiming a hand that you couldn’t possibly have had after you muck. Priceless.

Ugh, terrible I know, but all tongue in cheek and hopefully good for a laugh, unless of course I’m just easily amused? :)

By the way, I converted this hand using the great hand history converter over at http://www.flopturnriver.com. Check it out if you need some, umm, hands converted!

Some of you might already read this site, check out the latest promo being offered by the new online poker room kid on the block ;):

New Poker Site Offers Deposit Bonus: 100% up to Free Baby 

Tony sent me this earlier in the week, Bill Rini’s “investigation” into whether on-line poker is rigged ;):

Proof That Online Poker Is Rigged

The post is a couple of years old but I hadn’t seen it before, hopefully some of you haven’t either. Enjoy!

OK, these are getting worse!! :) Does ANYONE know a good poker joke???

—

A doctor tiptoes into the house at 5:00AM trying not to awaken his wife, but it didn’t help.

She woke up and asked “Where the hell have you been?”.

Guiltily he replied “OK, I admit it. I took my secretary to dinner and one thing led to another……”.

“Stop lying”, she interjected immediately, “YOU’VE BEEN PLAYING POKER!”

On the theme of laptops…

http://www.thepokerstrips.com/index.php?view=1

Ok, I’ve been way slack with these. Good poker jokes are hard to find. Plus I keep forgetting :)

Anyway, I found this amusing:

Drunk Man Confusing Online Poker With Real Poker

Couldn’t actually be real could it? Funny either way.

A man came home from a poker game late one night and found his hideous harpy of a wife waiting for him with a rolling pin.

“Where the hell have you been?” she asked.

“You’ll have to pack all your things, dear,” he ad-libbed. “I’ve just lost you in a card game.”

“How did you manage to do that?”

“It wasn’t easy, honest. I had to fold with a royal flush.”

Had to censor this one a little…

In a 10-20 Hold’em game at the Mirage, a drunk was begining to get out of hand.

“Well that was one p****y-pink river card from you dealer!” he bellowed after missing a flush.

The dealer beheld the drunk gravely; “Sir, there is a young lady at the table. If you don’t control your language, you will have to leave.”

On the next hand, the drunk doesn’t improve his set on the flop and looses to a straight. “Jesus Christ! Why don’t you just light my f*****g wallet on fire pinhead!”

The dealer was absolutely at his limit; “Sir, I’m telling you for the last time; there is a young lady at the table! Control your language or you will be escorted out of here!”

On the following hand, every player in the game wades into the pot. There are raises and caps on every card. In the end, the drunk sucks out an inside straight and wins the 10-20 pot of the month. The drunk looks out over his pile of chips at the dealer and asks, “Do you boys pool your tips togeather or do you keep them for yourselves?”

The dealer replies “All dealers here keep their own tips.”

The drunk tosses two green chips at the dealer and says with a grin; “Well have a Goddamn toke on me, motherf****r.”

The dealer picks up the $50, turns to the young woman and says, “Miss, I’m afraid you’ll have to leave the table.”

Sitting down to dinner one night with his wife a doctor answers his phone and hears the familiar voice of a colleague on the other end of the line.

“We need a fourth for poker,” said the friend. “I’ll be right over,” whispered the doctor.

As he was putting on his coat, his wife asked, “Is it serious?” “Oh yes, quite serious,” said the doctor gravely. “In fact, there are three doctors there already!”

An oldie but a goodie, I saw this one doing the rounds on the ‘net this week:

The Leprechaun

A guy was playing 10-20 holdem and was stuck about 300 dollars when he looked down beside the table and saw a little green leprechaun.

“Quit playing poker forever right now and I’ll give you a pot of gold worth a million dollars.”, said the little fellow.

The player replied, “Let me get even first.”